The Anti-App

I’m THE most boring person I know. My name is Jonathan, as you know, and I’m from Nebraska. Basically the most racially diverse person around, not your average blonde haired, green eyed, white girl. Nope. I don’t know anything about my Scottish heritage nor do I embrace it in any way. I don’t pride myself on a sense of humor that can elicit thoughtful laughter in the over 25 set, and giggles or downright dirty misinterpretations from the youth of today. I most certainly don’t watch anime and I’ve never seen The Lord of The Rings before. I’ve never had any kind of life changing experience that would make me stand out from the sea of essays sitting on your desk; I just sit around all day every day. Say you were to pull up my Facebook profile on a journey of applicant discovery, everything you see is a farce, and I really have no clue where all those pictures of me in a kilt or full stage makeup, and status updates about band practice, competitions, and rehearsals for shows came from.

I didn’t waste my time taking any of them, nor did I actually attend these alleged events like Invermark College of Piping and Drumming, and the art work in my “Wall Photos” must belong to the magical profile gnomes, I didn’t create it. I can’t show up in pictures, I have no soul, therefore I’m also emotionless, and a terrible listener, oh, and I hate people and helping others, empathy is just a word. Back to this fallacy of a social networking profile, it may lead you to believe that being a Tenor drummer in a bagpipe band is a big deal for me, it may seem like I have aspirations to become a professional drummer by the end of my senior year,and it might even seem like it’s my one true love and that I would spend hours upon hours pouring blood, sweat, and tears into drumming, do not be misled oh mighty admissions director! Heaven forbid you even see hearsay implying that I competed in the World Pipe band Championships in Glasgow Scotland the summer before my junior year, and that it was something I will remember till I die. That the feeling of being surrounded by thousands of people who all push themselves to their limits to reach common goals was so strong that it was almost a physical presence, goodness no! I don’t work hard at anything, set long term goals, or stick with anything for years at a time. I’m a quitter! Speaking of useless goals, what is the world drumming solos invitational anyway? Certainly not something I fully intend to win in the future no matter what. Making efforts to get things accomplished and pursue dreams isn’t really my cup of earl grey tea. I also absolutely loathe Art. In any form, visual arts, musicals, theater, all a waste of time. I would not be caught dead being president of The National Art Honors Society, nor would I set foot on the stage in various productions in and out of school such as “Guys and Dolls” or “Don’t Drink the water”, no never, I cannot sing, dance, or act anyways. I could never see myself being an art teacher, the idea that the best job is one where you can do what you love and show others the magic of that, is a lie, and the phrase “it’s a very ancient saying, but a true and honest thought, that when you become a teacher, by your pupils you’ll be taught” is best left in The King and I. I’m selfish by nature and don’t think teaching is rewarding, I also have no interest in being a mentor to students, I don’t want to be there for them. Oh, and I don’t want to go to College, so you better not even think of accepting me.

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